On my Twitter

You may be wondering what’s up with my twitter.

I’m ghost writing as many possible realities, just in case twitter is the iCloud that saves us all during the singularityTM.

You may be experiencing glitches in your system, but don’t worry, tech support’s got your back.

As for me, I’m tired of thinking insane racing thoughts that are not my own: some are impossibly funny, some are great, some are good, some are alright, and some just downright terrifying. At least I’m not bored.

And no, I do not want to meet David Lauer in person. We send some flirty messages, and I thought his Quadrant trailers were hilarious and beautifully done, but never met the dude in my life. He’s a skillful animator, and I respect his work greatly. I mean, “One by one, til’ what’s done is done?” Best bio ever.

I like to watch him from my office on a tiny rectangle screen in a funny costume.

He’s a hilariously terrible actor, and I’m great, but I’d never be caught dead on camera.

Fortune Cookies

Jess, my mom’s making me homicidal srsly, she’s such a nag and a bore – is CQ really your mom????

Ha, sort of. Foster mom. Not that I’m an orphan, my real mom is lovely, but @coketweet understands me in a way my biological family could not. Yeah, parents can be tough, but we only ever get them once.

If Coke turns out to be a man Imma kill myself. That shit would be fucked up.

I KNOW RIGHT. That’s what I thought before I met her. And then I sort of knew it was her, but had this weird phobia, like what if it’s actually her husband writing it. They share an office and it was opposite my bedroom, but I had no idea what they were working on on their individual laptops.

Hahahahahaha what did you do to the Reddit goblins do you think Coke banned/moderated them?

Knowing her, she probably posted those comments herself. She’s got genuine Southern hospitality, and isn’t the type to let someone into her house and chase them out, even when they’re fucking annoying and cooking ramen that takes forever.

Jessieeeeeee would you pose for a nude photoshoot i like ur pic ❤ :3 -3

Shut up. That ain’t me. I look better than that photoshopped cunt. I’d pose for a painting but never a camera, cause I’m a renaissance girl.

What the fuck is going on seriously with our girl Coquette?

Bitch is moving to Rivendell, though it’s gonna be a good while before her cruise ship arrives and deports her to fucking Florida.

Are you American Jess? You seem to write a lot about our politics even though you once mentioned you’re from Australia.. What do you people think of this shit storm

Yeah, no, I’m actually from England (Oxford). Was down south for some training program. We Brits think you yanks are finally playing a proper ball game. This shit is rugby.

I suffer from serious anxiety jess i think you understand? bipolar comes with anxiety or jus depressed n manic?

All of it, dude. You’ll be fine. Throw away your DSM manual and replace it with a list of phobias. Then examine why you’re scared of those things. That’s the thread that will lead you out the dark and dank cave.

WAR ON DRUGS YOU FUCKING STONER I SEE YOU MOTHERFUCKER AND I RAISE YOU A SPLIFF

Wow. You amaze me with your xray vision. You think that’s a joint in my hand? No, it’s my middle finger struggling to get the fuck out of my hand to wave a little royal pole dance to your purple balls.

That was a long sentence I probably only said because I was under the influence.

But seriously, never wage war on any physical object. Magic is invisible, and so are your enemies.

You happen to be an art connosseur or sm shit?? Ur just a liberal snowflake with a fuggin turtleman as ur senator u dumb fukssss

Hey, leave please a message after the beep.

Buy you a drink, J?

Sure thing.

On Teams

Jess you crack me up, you’re so fucking ridiculous and I think you know it. I wonder why Coke hasn’t banned you but she probs has her reasons. You really know the bitch? Are you a troll or no?! How’s your week goin’ anyhow? I had to play a fucking stupid game at work which is supposed to build team morale, but it just involved exchanging slips of paper saying ten good things about a person and we all had to guess who it was lol.

I know her but you’d have to kill me before I ever gave away her identity. As for whether or not I am a troll, I’d have to kill you for you to find out.

My week’s fine, thanks for asking. It’s nearly the lunar new year and it’s a big thing for my family. My parents are busy sending cards and decorating, and I’m just over here chillin’ and hoping I won’t have to field too many questions about marriage from relatives this year. It’s kind of like Christmas without the snow.

Your company game sounds bizarre. Let me guess, HR thought it was brilliant and there’s that much distrust in your work space that you might actually need that. Allow me to make a suggestion. Go on one of those company camping trips. Yes, all of you. There’s nothing as warming as a campfire and when you’re a hundred and five feet from the air in an obstacle course, you’ll be too busy collectively doubting the reliability of the net you’re on to remember the mutual suspicion that’s inbuilt into our lizard brains.

You’ll sleep under the same goddamned stars remembering you’re on the same goddamned team.

Kumbaya, goddam!

On Being Mad

hey jessie, you mentioned in CT that you went to the psych hospital so I wanted to ask you this because you might have special insights, or I dunno, something that has commonality with my own experience…? Recently I’ve been having these moments where I feel just totally disassociated with my body (or myself)… and when I searched up CT I came across an entry that talked about being smacked with awareness, which might be what I’m experiencing??? But then I thought what if i’m actually going crazy, like I’m actually losing my mind? I’m terrified and confused, and I know it’s a lot to ask but if you could share something from your experience it might help? Thanks so much anonymous stranger, I’ve always resonated with your comments and wondered why you said the things you did, especially stuff that didn’t seem to make sense, if that makes sense? Haha

The short answer is: you’re right on both counts. You are losing your mind, and it is because you’re suddenly aware. It’s jarring, I know. Basically, a rogue baseball came and whacked off your head, replacing it with a cloud of air. You’re still thinking, of course, but your thoughts are untethered without the physical leash of a sense of self.

Sure, the idea of going mad is terrifying, in large part because it is a binary concept made out of a loose and somewhat arbitrarily framed collection of DSM checkboxes. And being labelled a crazy person is a social caste circles below being poor, a racial minority, or gay. You are a pariah that society finds too distasteful to even share the same reality with. Disease of the mind exists, but it’s not necessarily everything the men in white coats say it is.

Remember, there is a difference between incoherence in thought, and coherence in thought based upon a set of different premises.

The man running away from an imaginary tiger on the street and the man running toward the fictional value of an Olympic gold medal do not understand each other. The woman speaking to herself in the supermarket and the woman speaking to an invisible man in a church do not understand each other. And finally, children think their stuffed animals are real.

You’ll be okay. You’ll get to the other side. The other side is where you come full circle to get back to yourself. You’ll learn to be comfortable with the dissonance between the two realities. You will carry on with your life, with the fresh insight that comes with heightened sensitivity and a sick sense of humour.

It will be like seeing the sun rise after getting home from a night shift. As the sun hits the rooftops, you will see the place you’ve always lived in a new light. The baseball will make it to home base, safe.